I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
