This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
