Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
