Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
