i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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