i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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