you win again, gameday.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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