12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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