is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
