I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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