so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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