i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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