Say something about gay babies.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
