Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize