Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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