The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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