She announced her abortion via fbk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
