Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
