I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
