my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
