So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
