i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
