Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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