Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
