cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
