Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize