Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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