i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
