i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
