he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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