Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
