i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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