i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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