8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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