I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
