i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
