I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
