i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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