i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
