its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
