That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
