Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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