Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Everything about him screamed your future.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
