I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
