Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
