Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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