I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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