i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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