R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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