You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
