my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
