for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
