why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
