Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
