There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize