i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize