PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
