Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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