Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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