Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
