I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
