the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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