Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
