please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize