My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
