I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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