I puked a lego.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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