I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
