Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
