i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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