Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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