We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
