in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
