i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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