apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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