I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
