Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
